Rise in infant suffocation tied to bed-sharing

My older kids shared the bed with us when they were younger, and our 9 month-old shares the bed with us now (the older kids have a different mom).  We had no issues either.

I feel it's actually a lot *safer* to have the kids in bed with parents.  I am very aware of their breathing--even while sleeping--especially if there's some change in it (coughing, wheezing).  Also, what are the chances of a predator breaking into the house and molesting a kid who is sleeping in bed with their parents.

My theory about why some kids suffocate in bed with the parents has to do with obesity and/or alcohol or drug impairment.  The only way I could see accidentally suffocating my child in bed would be if I was drunk senseless.

We did the "family bed" for the first 5 years or so even though we read and heard strong advice against it. It's quite common in the world as a whole and was essential to infant survival during evolution in the wild. It was great for us! I found it very reassuring to have our daughter right there between us where we could keep a close eye on her at night. When she was an infant we used a little cushion device to help prevent her and us from rolling together. My wife nursed her the first few years, so it was extremely helpful for that. Are they sure it's not the obesity epidemic that's actually causing the suffocations rather than bed sharing per se?

Having children, especially babies sleep with grown ups is INSANE. That's why SIDS deaths have been up for 25 years. When my children were born, I wouldn't have considered putting them in bed with my husband and me. It reminds me of a bear den. That's great for bears but not for humans. I have friends who did sleep with their babies and they have all told me that they had incidents when they almost rolled over on them. Also, why is it OK to have b abies and young children witness adult sexual behavior? I don't get it.

Having children, especially babies sleep with grown ups is INSANE.

We're all descended from insane people, then.

Also, why is it OK to have b abies and young children witness adult sexual behavior? I don't get it.

Unless you insist on screaming during sex, the kids will sleep through it most of the time.  Of course, I have to ask the converse question to yours: why is it *not* OK (morally) to have babies and children witness adult sexual behavior (besides that it might be illegal)?  Is sex such a shameful thing?

You were fortunate.. Go ahead make fun of the others.  Let's see you make light of it at a child's funeral.

common sense says the idea of a "family bed" is ludicrous

just utter laziness put the kids in their own room and bed and get a grip just because the bible is full of incest doesn't make it right

I'm a single parent, and my child has slept with me in my bed since we came home from the hospital. Now she's almost four.

When she's ready she'll have her own bedroom, but until then, I see no problem with sharing the bed. I'm there for her when she is sick, or has a bad dream, and as far as I'm concerned there's nothing at all wrong with the practice.

I can only see a problem arising if it's a small bed, or if the parents abuse intoxicants, or if they're abusive, period.

I can't see how anyone could automatically equate bed-sharing with incest - that's not only ridiculous, but terribly offensive.

If you don't want to share your bed with your kids, no problem, but I don't see why those who don't bed-share have to condemn so stridently those who do.

First of all, the idea of a family bed being ludicrous is your misperception of what it really is.  Who ever said a family bed leads to incest?  THAT is ludicrous!  We are one of the only cultures that leaves a baby alone at birth to learn to "sleep on their own".  Do your research and you will find that there are other causes to SID than family bed sharing!

Please think before you type your responses!

I don't think there's anything to link SIDS w/ bed sharing...there's  no scientific evidence to prove what directly causes SIDS...Personally, I have a 4 month old daughter who's slept with me and my husband ever since we came home from the hospital..It's alot easier especially since I'm nursing her..Furthermore, if there was a real problem (especially in my household), my husband (who's a paramedic) wouldn't allow the bed sharing of us and our 4 month old daughter.

MayaJourney -

As bed sharing has increased, so have infant deaths. That WAS the research in the article...soooo...I'm not seeing your point. You're getting all high and mighty about how our culture is the only one that doesn't bed share...YET, as that has increased, infant deaths have quadrupled. Your point is the one that sounds rediculous.

homestar1 - Question:  Do you have children?

I just don't get parents sharing bed with their infants.  WHY? because you are too lazy to put your baby back to her crib after you feed them?  I had the crib placed right next to my bed when my kids were born. I breastfed both my kids.  No matter how tired and exhausted I was, I would get up and put them back to their cribs.  I took NO CHANCE.  I heard some parents sharing bed with their kids even when they are older. I don't get it!  After 6 months, I put my baby in her own room.  With monitor on all day, I could see/hear every move/sound she made.  Both my kids slept thru the night when they were merely 2 or 3 months old.  Maybe I was just lucky, but I don't understand why parents sharing bed with little babies, or even when they are older. I don't think bed sharing will lead to incest. That's ridiculous.  But I do think, especially for small infants, bed sharing is a dangerous practice.  A lot of parents here try to defend this, but it is what it is.  Statistics does support the article.

Do I have children? LOL Yeah...I'm pregnant with number 4. Why...because if I have children then I will automatically agree with co-sleeping? I get up at night to breastfeed, and I put them back in their beds, which I keep in my room (mostly so they don't awaken the other kids) for about 4-6 months depending on the kid.

"Black male babies are the most affected but it is not clear why, the researchers at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported."

very strange????????

The article is certainly not very scientific and other variables have not been considered.  However, the CPSC did research on this "overlying" danger with cosleeping and found that healthy situations produced good results for parents and child.  If you are obese, using drugs, smokers, poor mattress quality or heavy blankets, your child could be at risk.  This article and the negative comments regarding co-sleeping are examples of ignorance at it's finest.  My husband and I slept with all 3 of our children (and still do if they need us-although rare)  for the first 8 months of their lives.  They napped in their cribs but slept with us soundly through the night and all were nursed at least the first year.  Whatever works for you and your family is the right thing to do.  Get the real information not a poorly done study and make up your own mind. 

agreed!

Please, to all the bedsharers, just spend a few nights in an Emergency Room and you will see the ultimate risk of allowing children to sleep in your bed.  Just because you have gotten away with it, doesn't make it risk free.  Risk is exactly that...ALL obese people do not get diabetes, ALL people with cancer do not die and ALL children allowed to sleep with their parents will not die of SIDS... BUT IT IS A RISK. And you must ask yourself... is it worth it? Are you feeling lucky?

Right on.  All three of my daughters have shared my bed.  Didn't start out intending to be that way, but when I'd get up in the middle of the night to sit in the chair and nurse my first daughter, I got to the point where I was just so utterly exhausted that I'd fall asleep that way.  Then I'd wake up and realize that she was dangling from my arms, very close to being dropped on the floor.  So I gave up and brought her to bed with me, figuring it was better than dropping her on her head.  Not a one of my three little beauties was injured or killed as a result of bedsharing.  There's no right or wrong here, just what you're comfortable with.  People need to stop being so judgmental.  Do you think prehistoric (wo)man put her babies in an isolated chamber of her cave at bedtime?  Hah!  And yet we have survived...

I have 3 children, ages 16, 6 and 2, all 3 were nursed and all three slept in our bed as infants. I took all the precautions that were recommended for sleeping in their own bed.

i am parent to seven. ... breast-fed inbed. ... happily so.      i wonder if these 'lay over' deaths dont involve some intoxication.   i just dont see it happening normally.

I have three children ages 10,8, and 2. They each at some point slept in the bed with my husband and I while babies. I never had any problem with it. My last son had a co sleeper which is like a little bed that goes on an adult bed with sides to protect from any roll over. Call me lazy or whatever I honestly do not care, this worked out for me and that is all that matters. Roll over deaths can happen if a parent does not take some precautions.

I totally agree with sharing the family bed! Did statistics consider the fact that the numbers went up since 1984 because the number of pregnancies had also sky rocketed!?! Of course there will be an increase if more people are having babies and more people believe in the attachment method. We slept with all 3 of our children and they are all happy and healthy! If anything it made me a lighter sleeper as I tended to listen to them breathe at night! Research dollars better spent elsewhere!

I have to agree with the seeder.

SOMETHING else is going on here.

I bedshared with my grand-daughter and I always knew where she was in the bed.

If they had the time, and I doubt MOST pediatricians do, as they think they do not even need to attend a Caesarean Section anymore, they would find that most parturients , let's get real and say,  50 % of them,  are so grossly overweight as to make a rhinocerus blush.

These blooming and bloomed betties couldn't tell if they had rolled onto a Great Dane ,much less a seven pound baby.

In addition to analyzing the weight of the new mother, intelligence competes for the forerunner.

We have got some of the dumbest mothers on the planet,  and this cannot be excluded as a prime factor in sudden infant death.

I have five children and each has had different preferences as a baby. Some of mine preferred sleeping with mom and dad. I have slept with my babies on my chest and also next to me. My 4 year old stills ends up in our bed most of the time. I have had nights where I move her to her bedroom and before I know it she is back in bed with us. Why fight it?

I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, sleeping pills, etc. Even when I injured my back at work I refused to take muscle relaxers because I wanted to be aware of my children when they needed me. And I am OBESE. I have always been aware of my children even in my sleep. My sister in law has also always had her babies sleep with them. It made it easier to breastfeed.

Now my husband, on the other hand, isn't as aware of the kids and sleeps heavy. I will admit that I have worried about him smothering a baby before but I positioned my babies to protect them from that danger. If parents are suffocating their children in bed, then there must be something else going on!

I noticed that there was not enough information in the article to accurately determine the facts. Who are these parents and what is their condition? Using this same kind of correlative study I can say that the rise in deaths since the advent of the automobile means that we should go back to horse and buggy. Junk logic. People are passionate about NOT having their children sleep in bed with them and seem to have overlooked the facts. Yes there is an increase in roll over deaths. This begs the question: In what condition is it safe and healthy for parents to sleep with their children in their bed? And it most certainly is not immoral and/or lazy to do this. And that this leads to incest? Shoddy thinking and simply rude to suggest.

DaneLover, You obviously have never known anyone who has suffered through this tragedy, or you couldn't be so callous as to suggest that "dumb mothers" are a "prime factor" in these deaths.

I lost a niece to SIDS, and dumb mothers had nothing to do with it! MOST babies will cosleep MOST of the time with no ill effect. Fortunately, these deaths are few and far between. Unfortunately, if your baby dies, that last sentence will be of no comfort to you.

I don't think cosleeping is worth the risks. Keep your babies close to you in a bassinet or whatever, but not in your bed.

You are the ones making unwarranted claims. The research supports co-sleeping for various physical and mental health benefits including dramatically decreasing the chance of SIDS (see the chart on the 4th page. All of the the increased risk factors for suffocation (smoking, waterbeds, couch co-sleeping, drug use) are easily avoided. Even the evolutionary factors have been looked at academically.

So go read it. Start here:

“At very least, we hope that the studies and data described in this paper, which show that co-sleeping at least in the form of roomsharing especially with an actively breast feeding mother saves lives, is a powerful reason why the simplistic, scientifically inaccurate and misleading statement ‘never sleep with your baby’ needs to be rescinded, wherever and whenever it is published.

- “Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS, bedsharing and breastfeeding“, PAEDIATRIC RESPIRATORY REVIEWS (2005) 6, 134–152

And then follow the articles cited in the paper. You can use google scholar to find many more. Also see the information at http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/

My co-worker lost her son when she fell asleep with her newborn baby at the hospital! The nursing staff left her with the baby, she fell asleep, rolled over and the baby died. That was 20 years ago and she's not the same. Very tragic thing to happen. To top that off, at discharge a person from the financial dept came to discuss payment of the bill and did not know what happened. The finance person made a comment about "having a healthy baby". My co-worker said that she almost flew across the desk to strangle the guy.

I shared a bed with my infant for 6 months.  I'm a very small person, an alert sleeper, and I kept the baby on my chest (on her tummy).  If you're an obese person who sinks 10" into the bed when you lie down, then obviously there is a good chance the baby will roll toward you and suffocate between the parent and mattress.  If you're one of those people that sleep through a fire alarm, then you might just sleep through an accidental roll-over.  I can see why bed-sharing could cause suffocation in these situations. 

But there are benefits to bed-sharing.  With the baby on my chest, I could feel her breathing, and woke suddenly when there was any change in respiration.  I knew tummy-sleeping was a no-no, but with that kind of closeness, I would have noticed if my child stopped breathing.  "Kangaroo care" is known to be soothing to babies, and she slept peacefully on me as an infant.  It also made the transition from sleeping to nursing much gentler, and maximized rest for all of us.  It also prevents the baby from getting too hot or cold, by surrounding her with mom's body temperature.  The faint sounds of mom's heartbeat and breathing probably also mimic some of the noises baby experienced in utero, easing that transition to the outside world.

Also, why is it OK to have b abies and young children witness adult sexual behavior? I don't get it.

Such behavior is off-limits during the post-partum period, while the mother heals.  I certainly would not tolerate a 5-year-old sleeping on my chest!  At 3-4 months we started making her nap in her crib; at 6 months we transitioned her to a crib at night; and at 7 months we moved the crib into her own room.  Bed-sharing was a special experience during infancy.

My children all have, and one still does, share the bed with me and my husband. NOTHING ever happened to ANY of them. And I am obese. My mother and my grandmother co-slept with all their children and nothing happened. They too are obese. It does not matter what weight you are. What does matter is how aware you are when your children are in bed with you and putting up safety precautions just in case as should anybody.

My aunt was three days old when she died. My grandfather woke up with his arm over her face. I am named after her. What a tragedy that could have been avoided.

I have an almost 8 month old son who actually happened to sleep in his bassinet only for a month his first month. Ever since then hes been sleeping on our bed with my husband and I and seems to be doing perfectly fine. Being a first time parent I used to freak out by reading all these articles, magazines etc during my pregnancy regarding Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and mentally prepared myself that I would never let that happen with my baby. But he actually seems to be doing just fine on our king size bed. I think having the baby sleep with their parents only helps the baby bond with their parents and vice versa. It displays affection, attachment and unconditional love. YOu dont get that feeling of attachment when the baby is in a seperate nursery or separate bed alone, I think that actually is a much more dangerous risk factor to place the baby alone anywhere.

As I scan the comments to this article I realize this...Do what works for YOU and YOUR family! Every other post is "I breast fed and my kids are great and I fed my kids formula and my kids are great", "I slept with my child and he turned out fine and I didn't and she turned out fine". Different strokes for different folks!! There are too many variables among families for any one person to be able to say "this is best and this is what you should do, period". The problem with the internet is everyone thinks they're an expert and, because we are not talking face to face, thinks they can say whatever they want however they want. You can have an opinion about what would work best for you, but don't accuse others of being a bad parent when you don't have all of the facts. Live and let live and expand your perspective beyond your little corner of the world.

For those of you who made a comment about children witnessing sexual behavior, YOU MUST HAVE DIFFERENT THOUGHTS. The article is about children sleeping in bed with you not engaging in or just openly having sex in front of the kids. Get your minds out of the gutter. I have 3 children and they all slept with me while they were little. My 18 mon old shares a bed with us now, and we love it. I nursed him until he was 16 mon. No I am not lazy... breastfeeding is not lazy, it takes a lot of commitment, putting a bottle in their mouth and propping it up with a pillow and going back to bed, not knowing if they will lay there and choke or whatnot well....

I don't agree it is for everyone, especially heavy sleepers. For me like one other comment I am so aware I can almost hear his heart beating. I would never put my children in danger. I know for sure he is warm, and that if someone were to break in he is right there. I would miss him if he was not there and will miss him when I send him to his big boy room. But for now he cuddles with me and wraps his arms around me and plays with my hair until he falls asleep and I really love that.

oh and rbach..either something happen to you when you were little or your just a disgusting person. for you to say something about incest...thats actually having sex with a family member, I dont think the people discussing this matter are into that stuff. Your way of thinking is ludacris. the topic was not about incest and men molesting their daughters IT WAS ABOUT COSLEEPING, WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY. LOVE AND BONDING! and the dangers of sids. Do you even have children can you even relate?

My thoughts, exactly. Certain groups and organizations have had an agenda for quite awhile to separate us from our children.

The catholic church, centuries ago, frowned upon cosleeping because infanticide was suspected, since they were not to practice birth control many babies were suspected of having been purposefully suffocated to control family size.

Babies actually need the body contact for proper brain and nervous system development. What is needed for parents is proper cosleeping instruction. I guarantee that all or 99.9% of the suffocation, rollover deaths were done by FORMULA feeding parents or not the mother. And any drugs, alcohol, impairment and SMOKING are the greatest risks. Breastfeeding, non-impaired, non-smoking mothers do not smother their children, this has been documented. Look at the work of Dr. James J. McKenna, Ph.D at and his many publications and research papers.

Oh, yes, why do you think they call it crib death? This is where babies are found dead. Alone. The name changed back to the term SIDS because the crib manufacturers felt it detrimental to their industry. They have a huge lobbyist group.

We all 3 sleep together, and I am very aware of what my little one is doing, how he's breathing, etc. he turns 1 next month, and with breastfeeding & working full-time, its the best way for us all to get the most possible sleep. This article is a little scary, I'm thinking we may try having him in his own crib again. But I love waking up next to the 2 guys I love most in the world, even if it is at 3 am. Maybe we could make do with less pillows on the bed.

Exactly!  My daughter (now 10) still sleeps with me.  She is on the honor roll at school and is the most confident little 10-year old girl that I know.  She has slept with me since she was born (I was nursing) and my doctor recommended it!  She has her own bedroom, with a queen bed, which she uses when she has a friend sleep over, but often times even her friends want to sleep with me too!  So to all you naysayers, it works for us. And I'm sorry for you that you have a problem with it.

My daughter has been sleeping with me most of her life.  She's now 4.   I had her in her own crib for awhile, from about 4-8 months old, but she wouldn't sleep at night and i was constantly up, she slept better with me, and i could sleep easier knowing she was right there too.  Otherwise, I was listening for every noise she made and I couldn't sleep.  I know it is advised against, but she is happy and confident and we have a queen size bed.  (I am a single parent by the way).  But it's our arrangement and I don't mind too much, until she starts hogging the covers. 

leaving your baby in another room sleeping alone would seem to me to also be potentially dangerous.  just like co-sleeping, to quote you, "odds are, it's probably not going to cause your baby's death, but it might, so why in the world would you want to risk it?"  seems weird to me that people happily leave their infants in separate bedrooms for 12 hours at a time...  often after they allow the children to pass out from crying and subsequent exhaustion to get sleep- because ferber says it's ok.  not every problem is apparent from any baby monitor...  i'm not saying that you are in favor of that, flyrfn- but it amazes me that many people think that course of action is preferable to co-sleeping

Having your child die alone in another room is worse in my mind.  If the child is in bed with me, I know when they're having difficulty breathing.  To my mind *not* sharing a bed with a baby is *always* worse (unless one is very obese or an abuser of drugs and alcohol).

I'm thinking there must be all sorts of psychological benefits to co-sleeping as well.  There are well-documented studies that show improved survival rates for premie babies who get lots of skin to skin contact with a parent (or any other person, actually).

I keep seeing comments about children surviving... that's great. It seems those of you commenting are educated to know what type of mattress to buy, etc. It does disturb me that people want to have sex with their child in bed with them... The survey is a great tool. Obviously something is going on. Instead of being so defensive about your beleifs, take the survey for what it is... a chance to realize that children are dying without explanation, and teh fact that they sleep in bed with their parent(s) mayhave soemthing to do with it. If you are still confident in your beliefs continue to sleep with your child.

BTW Olive, I only have one son, but I have never been able to sleep 12 hours...

What is wrong with bonding and attachment to our babies?  When did mainstream decided that our most natural instincts are wrong?  My son had a lot of medical issues and we co-slept in a family bed.  He is now healthy and happy and sleeps in his own bed at 7 yo.  I think the problem stems from parents who desire that separation from their children!  

And as far as sex is concerned...who says you have to have sex in bed with the child.  The child can sleep and parents can go play outside the bed.  As long as you have a big bed and the child is safe, there are no issues.  By the way, how many people have memories below age 3.  Most of us have to worry later on when the kids are older and burst into the bedroom to catch their parents in the "act."

So instead of believing everything you read on the computer or hear on the news, do your independent research.  Let's look at vaccinations being done too soon and the effects of a babies immune system to handle the multitude of chemicals being shot into their blood stream.  Let's look at formula ingredients and chemicals that make up formula...and how they can affect babies.  Look at environment and what role that takes in SID's. Are there chemicals in the mattress, baby's clothes, walls (mold?), etc?  There is no simple solution to this issue! 

Just because an article says that family beds are the cause, I know plenty of people who slept with their children with no incidences of SIDS.  But I do find SIDS popular in crib babies.

Maya- Yeah...the rest of us who don't cosleep...we just hate out kids? And then vaccinations? Where did THAT come from? Formula? YOU find SIDS popular in crib babies? Okay...I'm just floored at your kookiness.

Puting your child in a crib is NOT rejecting your child. Nor does it mean you won't be breastfeeding. My kids are very much attatched to me, and I am to them. My kids have always slept better in their own beds. Do they get cuddled in bed with us when they have a nightmare...of course, but as soon as they, calm down or fall asleep they are carried back to bed. WHY? Because they sleep better in their own beds.

My sister co-sleeps, and I think it's weird, but I just think...whatever. But, to say it's somehow better, or healthier, than putting your child in a crib or bed to sleep, that's just downright silly.  

When my daughter was born I tried to co-sleep but it didn't work for me.  I was too aware of her squeaking, grunting, groaning...  I thought that every noise meant that she needed feeding.  So I moved her into her own crib in my room but by 6 weeks she was in her own room - down the hall - where I could hear her crying when she needed me or feeding (and yes, I did breastfeed - I just had to get out of bed to do it). 

Sometimes she does sleep with me, when she is sick or something but not often (she is now 15 months).  She doesn't settle anywhere except in her bed unless she is totally exhausted and just passes out.

I have friends/family that co-sleep and I say "whatever works for you".  Being a mom, I have realized that there are many ways to get the job done/attack a problem.  What works for me may not work for you.

"but it might, so why in the world would you want to risk it?"

Well, following that reasoning, a fire MIGHT break out between your bedroom and the nursery and you won't be able to get to the baby, so why would you leave your baby alone in another room?  Or, someone MIGHT break into the house and steal your baby, so again why would you want to risk it?  There are always things that MIGHT happen...you can't control it all.  A few years ago there was a study that said co-sleeping babies were far less likely to die of SIDS than babies left alone to sleep.  The thought was that another person next to them helped them regulate their own breathing.  What it comes down to is using common sense and doing what's right for your own family and your own children.  I have 4 boys...3 co-slept and one prefered being in his own space at night.  All lived through it, all are well adjusted, and none of them were abused in any way.

This study says that more black boy babies are dying of suffocation...so how in the world could that have to do with co-sleeping or not?  If you want to call co-sleepers lazy baby suffocators,, then black parents of boys who co-sleep must be more so than the rest of us... (I am NOT saying that is so...I'm saying that's how this argument would have to go to be logical).  Get a grip and quit thinking that there is only one RIGHT way to raise children...  women especially seem to want to attack each other...we should be supportive instead of so catty. 

homestar1- I agree with you.  My children sleep in their sperate rooms (I have a boy and a girl) and they are doing great.  We do let them come to our bed when they had a nightmare or when the weather was "creepy" (for instance, loud thunder, crazy wind and pouring rain) I see a lot of parents bragging about how "confident" and "secured" their kids turn out because of bedsharing with them... If anything is NOT scientifically proved, that is "bedsharing increases a child's self confidence".  My kids have been sleeping in their own room since they were 6 months.  They do extremely well in school, they are happy, secured, confident, and very indepedent.  I don't contribute those wonderful personal traits to their sleeping alone, so how can anybody declare their children's self-confidence and security come from bed sharing.  It's BS!

MightyMait - there are other causes for a parent accidentally rolling onto an infant in the bed than "obesity or abusing drugs and alcohol".  That is a very ignorant view.  I am a very light sleeper and (Olive) I went to my daughter's room EVERY time she cried, coughed, wheezed, everything that I would attend to if she was in the bed with me.  I slept with a baby monitor between my head and the pillow.  12 years later, when I had my son, he did sleep in my bed until one night I was so exhausted from waking up every few minutes because I could not sleep restfully while being careful not to roll on him (and I'm not obese or a substance abuser), I fell into a deeper than usual sleep and woke to a fitful dream that had I not awoken, I could've squeezed or smothered my child as the object of torment in my dream - an animal that was attacking him, as I remember it.  I returned him to a crib next to my bed from that night forward.

sounds like you made the best choice for you.  we all have that right.

When my daughter was an infant, yes she slept with me at night.  I knew I wouldn't roll over on her because I didn't really "sleep" much anyway.  it was more like 2 hour cat naps, if that.  I was constantly aware of her every move.  And when she was a little older i put her in the crib, and i was still aware of every noise she made and I still couldn't sleep unless she was sleeping.  it about drove me crazy.  But i had to take her out of the crib becasue when she was 8 months old she climbed out of it.  I got her a toddler bed, but that has been hardly used.  She still sleeps with me. 

That's a ridiculous way to live your life... It might kill your kid or it might not. Guess you might as well never let your child leave your house becuase they might or might not get hit by a car or fall off the monkey bars and break their necks. You cant protect your kids from the might/might not. As a new parent my baby was very colicly and the only way to get her to sleep was on my chest, for her first 3 months of life she slept with me and most of the time was on my chest. she is now almost a year old and a healthy perfect baby girl and she now has her own room and bed and yet she still sleeps with me more then 1/2 the time...

There are plenty of stats out there supporting bed sharing and showing that placing infants to sleep on their own can have deadly consequences as well. The study was not done very scientifically from what I can tell. The fact that they point out that black infants are dying more makes no sense...something else must be going on. There are so many undefined variables that this article does not hold up scientifically at all. Arguing about this article is silly because a family must do what feels right to them.

I slept with all 4 of my children because they were breast-fed. If you want to call me lazy, that's fine. All of mine survived and thrived and chose when they wanted their own bed. I say whatever works best for parents and child IS best.

There is no right or wrong on this issue. Parents should do what is best for the baby. Each of my 5 children have had different sleeping habits. It is always a matter of what fits the baby and the parents. I agree that some parents shouldn't sleep with their babies and some need to sleep in the same bed for whatever reason.There are many factors involved.

One of my best friends lost a child to SIDS. She was at work with her mother watching her son. Grandma put the boy to bed upstair in his crib with the monitor on. A couple hours later she went to check on him and he was dead. Just because some babies die in their sleep alone in a crib doesn't mean that I would suggest babies should never sleep alone in cribs.

There are just too many factors and unknowns regarding infant deaths.The study said that the occurance of infants dying when sleeping with their parents has increased. It doesn't say what factor or factors may have contributed to this. Children grow up happy, healthy, and secure when they are in a healthy, loving home no matter how their parents decide to put them to bed.

NikiS--beautifully said.

MayaJourney--I certainly hope you are not really leaving a baby alone on a bed while you and your husband are off somewhere messing around!!! I don't think any doctor anywhere or any professional who endorses cosleeping would think that is a safe practice!

Apparently you didn’t understand what this study says. Quoted from above, “According to a review of death certificates between 1984 and 2004, (which, it should be noted, did not include information on where the babies were sleeping when they died) such deaths increased from 2.8 cases to 12.5 cases per 100,000 live births,”

It says that at the same time as suffocation deaths have increased from 3 to 12, cosleeping has also increased. It doesn’t say that it’s caused by cosleeping, and those suffocation deaths are stated to include deaths in cribs, beds, sofas, and other furniture. Some statistics on suffocation deaths *in adult beds* might serve a causal purpose. Statistics including deaths in cribs and other baby gear-swings, etc. aren’t very useful in determining cosleeping death rates though.

This is basically an “ice cream causes people to commit murder” misunderstanding. (More people eat ice cream in the summer. More murders are committed in the summer. However, ice cream does not necessarily cause people to commit murder.) More people cosleep. More suffocation deaths have occurred in the same time period. Cosleeping does not necessarily cause an increase in suffocation deaths. That’s what this study shows from what I understand of Ms. Belkin’s entry here.

Actually my fourth child out of six had health problems and suffered so bad from lack of sleep that by the time she was 2 months old, my pediatrician told me have her start sleeping with me or she was at risk of becoming more ill. She was the only child I had sleep with me out of all my kids because I prefer not to sleep with my kids. But I did for her simply because, yes in fact, there are sometimes very good reasons for doing so. Never say never.

It is ALWAYS a bad idea to share a bed with a baby. Always. There are no exceptions.

Even in their cribs, some babies will stop breathing and die. Unaware of it, the parents will continue to sleep in their bed, until they wake up and discover the tragedy. With a child on your chest, you can hear them breathe and feel when they are in distress. You can perceive these things much better, and more quickly, if you maintain contact with the child. Then you can wake the baby, even perform resuscitation if necessary. But those kinds of interventions CAN'T wait till morning.

There was an earlier study that suggested some infants were predisposed to SIDS, because their brainstem spontaneously stops directing them to breathe while they sleep. I'm not suggesting that parents should arrange for 24-hour monitoring of the baby, but bed-sharing provides at least some heightened awareness of the baby's condition.

Infants also survive better sleeping on their backs, but there are some instances when the risk of aspiration outweighs the risk of tummy-sleep, such as severe acid reflux. Keeping the baby in his own crib, on his back, in the parents' room is the mainstream advice... but it is not going to be the ideal arrangement in every situation.

My son was born with lung problems where he would simply stop breathing. He slept with me, with my hand on his chest, so that I would wake up if he stopped- which he did several times. So there are times when sleeping with your child is NECESSARY...not just a preference.

Other than that, both my kids ahd cribs..but neither really used them at night until they were a year old. They would nap in them- but at night, they cuddled with me (or me and my husband- he was away a lot)

When I was a single mom- I let them both sleep with me whenever they wanted. They loved it. I loved it and it's quality cuddle time for a busy parent who works all day. They're 9 and 11 now...and occassionally still want to sleep with mommy. I don't see the issue here.

And just for the record, the sex comments? I don't have sex with my kids in the bed- I never would have considered it either. One...I can't see how it's safe for them to be on the bed as infants during sexual activity, since often there's a lot of movement.... and two, personally it creeps me out when the dog watches....much less a child (even a 2 month old who wouldn't remember or understand)

Correct me if I'm wrong...isn't everyone devoid of "experience" when they have a child? I have 3, going on 4 children. MY "practical experience" say that my children sleep better on their own.

Olive - Obviously! Any scientific study that doesn't agree with my beliefs is phooey, too!  And, where have babies slept in every other part of the World since Neanderthals?  I'm guessing your answer is "next to their mommies"?  Please, send me that study and the statistics on the CIDs rates in every other part of the World.  Everyone can find an expert who will agree with their particular view something.

my first son co-slept...it was the only way i was going to get any sleep! i breastfed and let him sleep w/ me. As he got older, he always started in his own bed but would creep in to my bed in the night. He was 6.5 when he finally made the full transition to his own bed as i was preg w/ my daughter and w/ 3 in bed, there just wasnt space! he is also a confident, well adjusted little boy. Now my daughter, also breastfed, i tried to co-sleep, but like others, i did not sleep well as she was restless. After one particularily bad night, i put her in her crib and Wala! she slept 'like a baby.' she just prefers her bed. our 3rd son sleeps in his crib in our room and is also breastfed. All 3 kids are wonderful little people and love being close, but all have different arrangements based on their needs and personalities. I dont think one is necessarily better or worse than the other, you just need to understand your child and yourselves. I work at a school and we had one family who's child died in the night from heat. not wrapped up too much, just their landlord had the heat set too high. So there are many ways and reason babies die in their sleep and we cant point fingers or call eachother out for our own practices that make sense to us and that work best for us. Sadly, it seems, like many other societal issues, will ever truely be accepted or resolved due to people constantly wanting to prove the other side of the great debate wrong!! just let everyone be and know you did what makes sense to you and your family and so did everyone else....and then breathe and move on...and be glad your child/ren have all turned out to be wonderful kids, co-sleepers, sleeping on their own, breastfed or formula fed...UGH!

Kimberly J,

as a matter of fact someone has done research on this- you might want to read this book:

it's by Meredith Small- who is an anthropology professor at cornell.  it's called "Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent ".  it's available on the barnes and noble site for 14.35 and it's a very interesting book.

glad to be of service.

also, kimberly,

i think the point is that co-sleepers can find scientific evidence to support their choice- my comments are in response to the article connected to this message board.  i think everyone should do whatever they feel is right and i think no one has the scientific evidence necessary to PROVE that co-sleeping is a bad idea.

We also never had a ton of blankets or pillows, nor a squishy mattress.

Squishy mattress is a good point.  Until recently, we slept on a futon.  Now, we sleep on a firm mattress.

What is this point that co-sleepers keep mentioning that "infants have always slept with parents until recently"?  My greatgrandmother raised 13 children who never slept in her bed, but in a cradle next to it.  And, as in the article, that was the norm and co-sleeping is the new trend.  The terms "co-sleeping" and "family bed" weren't even heard of until the last decade or so.  I'm not saying that there are not generations of families that did sleep together, I'm just saying don't write a history to agree with your views.  There are pros and cons to both practices. 

I have just had my first baby and I was terrified and most definantly was scared about laying him on his tummy and I didn't because of the statistics. Until one day my mother who has 14 kids came over and she did. I told her I was uncomfortable, but she assured me it was fine. I then continued to do so and I realized that my little one slept longer and was much more comfortable that way. When I slept him upright he would jerk alot and never got a comfortable sleep. He also developed head strength and by 3 weeks was moving his own head from one side to another. All I can say is each mother has to take the time to monitor there own baby and see what works for them. My baby sleeps in our Cal King bed with my husband & I. I do agree that if you don't have a large enough bed that you should not have your baby sleep with you. But as a mother your child becomes your everything and you want to keep a constant eye on them. I tried the bassinet near my bed, but the baby would not want to be in there. Also I know that if I put him in his own bed I would get no sleep because I would constanly be up staring at him to make sure he is ok. I believe having your baby with you in bed also gives them security and you have a more calmer baby. Babies need contstant physical contact and trust me my baby knows when I am not near him.

If you need to nurse, sit in a chair.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! You must be a man. Unless you've gotten up every two hours for months on end to sit up and nurse in a chair, you have NO idea what you are talking about!

I followed all the "advice" with my first child and exhausted both of us with all the up and down just to be able to say, "My son sleeps in his own bed." When my second came along, we snuggled up in our big ol' family bed and nursed and slept like a dream. Both kiddos are just fine.

HAHAHAHAH have you ever tried to nurse siting in a chair at 12 am, 1.am, 2a.m. oh yeah...3, 4 and 5 a.m. and then function as a human being in the morning????? I slept with both of my kids when they were babies. I woke up at the slightest sound and never once felt that it was dangerous.

I am a woman and I never co-slept with my baby.  I nursed exclusively until she was 6 months old and only once nursed her in bed the rest of the time we sat in the recliner chair.  Yes, we did fall asleep together  many times but then she went to her bassinet within my arm's reach and I went back to my bed.

You two act like it's unthinkable to get up to nurse your child.  I did it, I functioned just fine, and rested easy knowing the my child was safe in her crib.  I love how everyone says "I slept with my kids and never had a problem".  That's great, but the fact is you could hurt your child when they're in your bed.  It has happened....it's not some urban myth.  It's like saying "I smoke cigarettes around my kids all the time and we haven't had any issues yet".  Some parents are ok with taking risks with their children, others aren't.

No, I am not a man. I am a woman who nursed both of my children while sitting in a rocking chair in their own rooms. I functioned just fine the next morning, thank you very much. I did not post my opinions for your attacks. Go ahead and sleep with your infants. Hopefully they will be safe and grow up to be independent. Good luck to you and yours. I still feel that children should sleep in their own beds. Period.

"Children need to learn indepence these days. We raised two very happy, independent daughters and they did not sleep with us once"

Modern parents stick their babies in a separate room.  When they grow up, they're banned from playing outside for fear of abduction, so instead, the kids watch TV and play video games.  Why should we trust nouveau parenting trends ?   They're written by authors that want to sell books and DVDs and appear in "parenting" magazines that have a new, expensive plastic baby product for every imagineable issue.  The same people are replacing spanking with drugs.  Genius.

I get up at night to nurse...although...with one of my three, he didn't nurse, so I got up and pumped while my husband fed him.

But, I still got my butt out of bed and fed my baby in a chair, then put them back into their crib. I'm pregnant with number 4, and I plan on doing it again.

"That's what bassinets, baby cribs, toddler beds, and children's beds are for."  You are entitled to your opinion, without attacks by others, but you should be open to other ways of doing things than what worked for you.  Bassinets, cribs, etc., are an invention of man...not some God-given thing that every baby must use.  They are a tool, as are bottles, baby swings, and potty chairs.  Things that some parents may use, and others may choose not to.  By sounding like you are attacking co-sleeping parents, you invite attacks on your own views.

If your child is waking up and crying every hour...they probably are not hungry...they probably have a burp. If you would wake up enough to properly feed your child, and get out all their gas...they would sleep longer. Mine each have been on a 3-4 hour feeding schedule from birth...and not by any planning on my part.

The last one did have colic, but that has nothing to do with being hungry. So if your baby is waking up every hour and you're doing nothing but rolling over to stick a breast in his/her mouth...maybe you SHOULD consider getting that chair.

homestar1 - EXACTLY! 

I tried this actually with my daughter- because I was petrified of rolling over on her and all the stuff I had read about sids. Me and my blankets would pile into the chair, I'd get my breastfeeding pillow and feed her. Of course breastfeeding releases a hormone that makes you sleepy.....add that to already being exhausted and the odds of staying awake for the feeding- not good.

I fell asleep one night, while feeding her, and she rolled off my lap. Luckily, she landed on the comforter I had wrapped around my feet- but that was luck and trust me- I never fed her in a chair again, at night. From that night forward she joined me in bed- and things were wonderful. I felt more rested.....I was always aware of where she was- and up till I had kids I was a very heavy sleeper. I'm not a heavy sleeper anymore lol and my kids are 9 and 11 now.

To each his own- what works best for you is what you should do- ignore the doomsdayers and realise every family and child is different. What is right for you, may be the worst route for another person- but does that really matter?

I have known parents who've done it both ways.  I have to say that like every other parenting decision it is a personal one.  However, it is IMPOSSIBLE to be aware of your movements and the baby while you are asleep.  If you were always aware, you actually aren't getting good rest. 

I'll add, that infant mortallity rates were MUCH higher when this was the norm.  So I would think long and hard about it and why not just spend the $80 for the co-sleeper that attaches to the bed but keeps the baby safe and seperate if you are breast feeding?

So, when was the las time you rolled out of bed in the night? If it'simpossible to be aware if your movements in your sleep, that would be happening all the time since you would have no sense of where the edge of the bed was. If you're falling on the floor nightly, you have a point. But if you're no, your argument does no hold.

We safely and happily family  bedded with three kids, for a short while all 5 of us were in one huge bed, and we woud do it again if we had the opportunity.

"infant mortallity rates were MUCH higher when this was the norm"

THat wasn't because of the co-sleeping. There was less access to good health care. We now know more about preventing sids and childrens diseases. Adult mortallity used to be higher to.

What a sensible comment. Different things work for different people and for different kids, and I am so impressed that this poster took her own circumstances into account. What a sensible solution for her family to have the kids share their room as newborns. I have three kids and we bed-shared with all three as I was also nursing. We slept on a futon a foot off the ground and had another futon on the floor right next to our bed, where I would put my kids once they had fallen asleep. So we didn't bed-share all the time, but we were comfortable with it. The kids stayed in our room until they were about a year old. I wouldn't change a thing.

No laziness is sticking your baby in another room to cry themselves to sleep!

The only reason for having babies sleep with mothers is laziness!

This is an example of judgmental ignorance.  Please read some of the other comments in this discussion if you have a genuine interest in the issue.

I have 3 children, thank you. I am not ignorant on the subject. I have been there. I did not allow my children to cry themselves to sleep. I had a rocking chair in the room and would rock them or walk the floors with them.

And, evidently, you are still kinda bitter about that lack of sleep.

I did not allow my children to cry themselves to sleep.

And, apparently, you didn't try co-sleeping.

And, evidently, you are still kinda bitter about that lack of sleep.

Sure seems that way.  I'm baffled as to why co-sleeping is being made such an issue by public health authorities in our country.  I'm sure they're well-meaning (i.e. it's not a conspiracy between them and the crib manufacturers :P), but the "science" behind it seems shaky at best (as others here have pointed out) and is certainly culturally-biased.

I had my children, for the first year, in a crib or bassinett in my room. And I was very lucky to have wonderful babies. Unless they were sick, they only woke once in the night and most slept through the night by 6-7 months. The way I see it if you are going to complain about not getting any sleep, maybe you should rethink having babies or wait until you can afford to hire a nanny to care for them for you.

Erica -

I wonder did you breastfeed?  

Your lucky to have had babies that slept through the night...Since you're such an experienced parent, you would know that all babies are different and what works for you and your children may not necessarily work for us all.  To call some lazy because their child sleeps with them is ridiculous.   Its not just the parent who gets no sleep at night, its the baby as well, if it cries all night... Damn that lazy baby!

Erica - Yes you were very lucky to have good sleeping babies. My daughter is now 17 months old and has been sleeping in our bed since she was 6 months old.

She came home from the hospital and never slept. She didn't take naps, she didn't want to sleep at night. We tried everything and what ended up happening is that holding her and rocking her was the only thing that worked. When we laid her down she was awake in 10 minutes. So nap times and bed times we took turns holding her sitting in the rocking chair (I did nap times on my own since my husband was at work). We were both tired and so was she. At 6 months i brought her to our bed and she slept all night. At around 8 months we read Dr. Ferbers books and tried the crying it out method. I hated it and she would eventually cry herself to sleep. Then she did for the most part sleep all night but she was cranky and sleepy all day long. She would not take her naps. We did this for over a month (not the 3 to 7 days Ferber said it would take). Finally we moved and during the moving process she ended up back in our bed and hasn't left it since. She goes to sleep at night now around 8:30pm and we lay her in her bed. She sleeps until 10:30 and then comes to bed with us. She cuddles with me all night and wakes up in the morning at 7am happy. She takes a 2 to 2 1/2 hour nap in the afternoon in my bed by herself.

I don't believe that it is just co sleeping that is causing the rise in deaths. There has to be something else. I wouldn't change the way we sleep at night. Is co sleeping for everyone? NO. Should you be judged because you co sleep? NO. Am i lazy? NO

EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT AND WHAT WORKS FOR ONE DOES NOT WORK FOR THE NEXT ONE.

Co sleeping was the best choice for me, my husband and my daughter.

I find it amazing that because a baby sleeps in a crib or bassinet the parents are labeled as un-loving and are assumed to let the child cry to exhuastion.  This is a ridiculous thread.  I have a 5 month old that sleeps in a cradle in our bedroom and has never cried by herself without being soothed by me, her mother, whether it be at 2am or 2pm during a nap.  While she was sick with RSV, she was put in her cradle right next to our bed so I could hear her breathing patterns.  Co-Sleeping vs. Not Co-sleeping isnt a right/wrong issue, its a "whatever works for you" issue.  Just like breast feeding vs formula feeding or vacs vs. no vacs.  Stop attacking one another for parenting choices the other makes.  If you feel the need to be so opinionated, go volunteer your time at a youth center or teaching teen mothers how to parent where you might do some good.

Kim

my daughter was the same way.  She's four now, and to this day she still doesn't like to go to sleep, or take naps.  She slept better in bed with me.  The crying it out method didn't work she would just keep screaming her head off.  The only thing i could do was put her in bed with me so we could both get rest. 

Do not judge all parents as lazy!

I had a child that slept through the night with no problems when she was 2-4 mon old.  Then all of that changed and I was exhausted getting up 2, 3, 4 times a night  because she wouldn't stay asleep.  Sometimes it would take her an hour or more of crying, rocking, and bouncing to get her to go back to sleep temporarily. 

Like other parents,  I have a child that will continue to screen her head off if she is tired and isn't soothed.  My husband gets up very early and letting a baby screen for hours every night seems insane.  No one can sleep through that.  I would get no sleep either because I am the only one that takes care of her at night. 

I want my child to sleep in her own bed, but I also need more than 3 hours of sleep to function.

I have twins too.  The first 3 months, we let them sleep in our bed on and off.  We stopped primarily because my husband was falling off the bed because our daughter would push him off! :)  I think people instinctively have an alarm that let’s them know if something is wrong.  I don’t think either side is wrong if they are doing it in their child's best interests.

We don’t have any family or friends in the area we live in.  We didn’t (and still don’t) have the luxury of support to offer coming over and watching the kids while we could nap, eat, clean, or go out on a date with the spouse.  If you are someone who does not have access or the means of support, your choice is definitely affected.  It's unfortunate that so  many people don't seem to take into consideration how much easier they may have it compared to someone else.

And in response to the people calling others lazy.....I would challenge anyone else to manage having twins, surgery, year-long breastfeeding, full-time work, no family or friends for support – and see if they can do it better than me!  I think I’m far from lazy on this factor.

There's a lot of "what if" type things in there.  My child is attached to me and her father because she's never been in the care of anyone but us since the day she was born.  That has nothing to do with sleeping in our bed. So far she is very much an indivual just like her older sister who didn't bed share. 

They sell cribs because they want to make a profit, not because it's the only way.  Have you never heard of "crib death", or all the babies that have been killed over the years in faulty cribs that end up being recalled?

It also tempers the child's ability to separate from the parents if mommy and daddy suddenly disappears from his/her life and is not there to sleep with   

Are you serious?  This is quite frankly the lamest argument I have ever heard against co-sleeping. 

I can tell you from my studies of infant development (I have a masters in psychology) that independence can not be forced on a child like you seem to be suggesting.  In order for true independence to develop in a child, that child needs to have a strong attachment to his/her parents.  This attachment is established by having parents close by during the entire course of the day (nighttime included!) and there to meet the child's needs when he/she is an infant and toddler.  Forced independence too early actually leads to a clingy, insecure child with decreased self conifidence and distrust for his/her parents and other adults.  Forced independent sleep is biologically incorrect for human infants.  Please do your research.

Ridiculous...No one is talking about forced independence...My guess is the majority of children do not sleep with their parents....Of course you need to develop a bond with the child..however no need to smother the kid....Mz. Psychologist Master...actually I think a psychology degree is pop culture anyway!... I suggest you research common sense...Read below for more of my interesting thoughts that may blow your mind!       

I have noticed that most respondents are from nursing moms....supporting the co-sleep because they need to sleep...Am I to assume that a baby whose mom gets up and feeds her baby with a bottle does NOT feel it is necessary to sleep with the baby...and they are never tired ???? hmmm! also...Just because in the olden times.. sleeping with baby was the way it was done naturally...Well, I assume having baby in a rice paddy is also the way you should be giving birth..that was the way it was originally done in some cultures...One respondent said baby cribs were made to make money....Was a refrigerator made to make money...or maybe it was a better way to keep your food from spoiling! Point being...This is not the 1800s and we've come a long way baby! !....Like obesity is the reason...No...An 125 lb. mom and an 175 lb dad would also be able to smother a baby... As for Sid's causing crib death...Well that is another subject...This article was about co-sleeping with baby....not about crib death!.....Time to get outta bed! Let the kid breathe...

First and foremost, I have to agree with "knowyourstuff" I too have my degree in Child Development and have three kids of my own, who by the way have ALL slept with me.  Co-sleeping actually saved the lives of my two older children.  My oldest had seizures in the middle of the night at 3 months old.  Because he was in bed with me I was aware of it and was able to secure his airway then take him immediately to the hospital.  My second child had reflux problems and stopped breathing 5 times the night he was born.  I know this only because he was sleeping with me and I heard him stop breathing and was able to suction him each time and restore his airway.  His reflux issues continued for the first six months and because I could hear him breathing I would wake and be able to suction him when he would stop breathing. If I had not had my children sleep with me I would sadly be likely a parent of one healthy little boy instead of three!! So be careful on your rash judgments of people.  They call it "crib death" for a reason!!!  By the way my children all have a very healthy self esteem and are very independent because they know their parents love them and are always there for them.

I still believe most of today's child psychology is overkill...However, I do understand your point because of your personal experience with your babies...therefore..one up for you...to be thankful for...but, then you must be saying that a mother has to have a child sleep with her in order to be attentive...I think..it also may have been possible for her to sleep in her bed and the child in his crib...in the same room maybe or even another...if you have a good monitor..and you would also be aware of a problem with him...Granted mom's are usually sleeping with one eye on the monitor and get little sleep... As for 'crib death" 'again, this article was mainly about co-sleeping'though. They don't recommend a pillow, a blanket or laying on the tummy..so how is it safe to have a baby sleeping between two adults...sound asleep with a min. of two pillows and blankets galore...safer...? As for your children being independent...which may be debatable to the teachers some day...I'll take your word for it...I am sure they know their parents love and are always there for them...You do sound like a good parent!..However, I know tons of parents who do not sleep with their children who also know they love and will always be there for them. This is my point....Most of you appear to think you are a superior in parenting because you nurse and sleep with the little one... I find most just a bit annoying!...

Wow you really took what I said and twisted it. Where and when did I say that you are less attentive if your baby sleeps in a crib? And as for your comment:

As for your children being independent...which may be debatable to the teachers some day...I'll take your word for it...

could you be more insulting? What's with the personal attacks, and on my children no less!!! NICE! All I am saying is that co-sleeping is not a dangerous as you are trying to make it sound. I do not want to rely on baby monitors, that can lose power to make sure my child is still breathing!! Besides thebaby monitor would not have detected my child having seizures because of a temperature of 105!! Me being there next to him did, and he is alive because of it. I am by no stretch of the imagination trying to say I am superior. I am saying that this "study" does not paint an accurate picture. I know plenty of people who do not allow their children to sleep with them that love their kids too. No one, especially me is trying to say they don't.

Ok..I guess you are still looking out for the little ones....Really now...I couldn't be personally attacking your children...I don't know them...that was a generic statement ..because I do know some parents that have hovered over their children until they became monsters to someone who has to deal with them later....although mom and dad think they are perfect angels...As for those who in my opinion are coming across as being superior..."again that was for other pompousresponders to this article. No...in your case 'which appears unique' the study does not paint you into it...However, in general....I think the substance to the article was at least 50% accurate. Bottom line...If it is fine with you...I'm fine with it...Now go give em a hug!

You raise three separate issues (co-sleeping, vaccinations, and car seats).  Conflating them is unfair. No doubt, many co-sleepers vaccinate their children (my first two are not vaccinated), and most use car seats, I am certain.

I see the issue of co-sleeping in quite the opposite manner.  I see folks *not* sleeping with their kids as selfish.  They don't want to be bothered by their kids; they want to be able to just send them to their rooms at night and forget about them until morning--or so it seems to me.

Oh please, don't make parents who don't vaccinate out to be selfish.  Not all who don't are totally ignorant parents who don't even put their children in proper car seats.  My youngest has not had a single vaccination, and I stopped vaccinations on my oldest 2 years ago, and had delayed her shots until 10 months.  Some people do things like non-vaxing and bed sharing because they have done their homework and they feel it is best for their children.

Although I'm sure you'd be more than willing to tell me I'm wrong and that's your perogative, but just remember it's not all done out of sheer ignorance and selfishness.

I love how all of MightyMait's posts talk about the selfishness of parents who put their children in cribs.  Have an open mind, MightMait.  Just because you feel more safe with your child in bed with you doesn't mean it's the solution for everyone.  I have had my daughter in her own crib since birth, and it's not because I "don't want to be bothered".  It's because I know of several cases where children have been accidentally suffocated by their parents and I'm not comfortable taking that risk.  It's a personal decision and I think it's safe to say that there are perfectly happy, well adjusted children who were raised in both environments so maybe you shouldn't be so judgmental.

WOW that's one broad brush you got there Drew!!!!  I am not selfish for letting my baby sleep WITH me.  The statement alone contradicts itself.  I keep hearing how parents put their kids in another room because the baby is too restless and keeps THEM awake.....who's selfish? And to say that if you co-sleep you don't vaccinate or put your kid in a car seat is quite an inventive stretch!!! Kuddos for the wild imagination.

I love how all of MightyMait's posts talk about the selfishness of parents who put their children in cribs.

Sorry if I over-generalized.  No doubt we all have our reasons for what we do.  Selfishness certainly *can* be a factor.

Please take a dose of milk of magnesia!

Exactly! Just like a lot of weight surveys are funded by formula companies. The weight charts a pediatric offices are created by formula companies.

Most of the world shares their bed with their children. We are getting more and more backwards in this country.

And I'm not saying that bed sharing should be done without taking lots of precautions. When my little ones were infants, I would lay them in the crook of my arm so that if they even moved, I would know it, and I could not roll over. (not that I did - they breathed wrong and I was awake) but really, if you don't feel safe, then don't do it. I don't even understand why this is an argument. It isn't your child who's put "in danger" so why argue about it?

And yeah, having sex with your children in bed with you is just wrong. I had no idea until I read this that people actually do that.

I agree.  We've been co-sleeping for more than two years and no one is more surprised by that than me.  I never anticipated I would be one of "those" parents, but after my son was born, we soon discovered that co-sleeping felt absolutely right to us.  My son is much more content, my husband and I are much more content, and my son and I are still nursing 25 months later.  I am constantly aware of my son during the night, which I would not be if he were upstairs in his nursery (our master suite is downstairs and the other bedrooms are upstairs).  In addition, my son was a near-term preemie (34 weeks gestation) and the first thing they had me do in the NICU following his birth was to put him on my chest, skin-to-skin, for "kangaroo care."  He only spent 4 days in the NICU and was very quick to catch up to his full-term peers and has absolutely no issues from his early birth thanks to plenty of contact with me and nursing.

His original crib, which went unused, has been returned to the maufacturer after being recalled because of a strangulation hazzard that had harmed a number of other babies who were unfortunately not co-sleeping.  People who say "that's what cribs are for" should subscribe to the Consumer Product Safety Commission's recall list for children's products.  You'd be sickened by how many cribs are recalled due to very serious safety issues that have harmed too many children. 

For those considering co-sleeping, the best tip I can offer is for you and your partner to be under separate covers.  We have a king-size bed, but I use one twin-size blanket (pulled up only to my waist so my son can latch on for nursing) and my husband uses a different twin blanket.  My son doesn't use a blanket or a pillow, but is dressed appropriately for the temperature.  

Our son is a very happy, secure, healthy toddler.  Only in America do we segregate our tiniest humans to sleep apart from the family on their own, away from mommy and easy access to mommy's breasts.  It's saddening. 

As for those who say mom should get up during the night to sit in a chair to nurse -- you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.  And if you are a mom that agrees with that -- I'd be quite surprised if you nursed on demand for the two-year minimum recommended by the World Health Organization.

I think your decisions worked for you and that's great.  But to say that someone has no idea what they're talking about because a woman chooses to nurse in a chair - are you kidding me?  Can you be anymore insulting or self-righteous? 

I didn't nurse at all.  My milk didn't come in.  So I formula fed for a year and then switched her to milk.  And that's ok.  She's healthy and she's happy and well adjusted.  She never once slept with me as an infant, and she's very affectionate and not at all deprived.  She's also been a great sleeper since day 1.

We have to stop insulting each other because we do or do not co-sleep, and we need to get some actual facts here.  Not stuff made up by these silly studies which are skewed to prove what we want them to prove.  What we need are actual death records of infants and toddlers, to find out the cause of death.  Then we just need to know how many died in a crib, how many died from being rolled over on, and how many died for other reasons.  That will help us all make truly informed decisions.

For example (and I'm making these numbers up), if out of 200,000 infant deaths in 2008, 109,421 died from being rolled over on, and the rest were for other reasons, then that would be an alarming rate, and we would have to re-think the cosleeping thing, perhaps.  And on the flip side, if out of 200,000 infant deaths, 1400 were from being rolled over on... that's a HUGE difference, and would show that it's not something hugely prevalent.

Armed with real facts, we can make real decisions. Armed with skewed studies, all we can do is stand on either side of the aisle and accuse each other.

Jaime, your initial paragraphs are spot-on.  Thanks for being so reasonable.

However,

What we need are actual death records of infants and toddlers, to find out the cause of death.  Then we just need to know how many died in a crib, how many died from being rolled over on, and how many died for other reasons.  That will help us all make truly informed decisions.

As others have pointed out, gathering data is a tricky thing.  Since we don't have cameras and sensors in every room in every house, we will often never know exactly what happened in many instances.  People's perceptions can be mistaken, and they can outright lie.  We will never be armed with "real facts".  We will only ever have statistics ("there are three kinds of lies") and anectodal evidence.